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NBC, on the set of the pilot. Jerry, Tom, and Michael are at the counter, rehearsing. George is standing and watching them next to another guy. Rita, Jay, Stu and Russell are sitting in the crowd's bleachers.
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Tom
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What do you mean made up?
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Jerry
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It's made up. Haagen-Dazs is made up. It's not Danish.
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Tom
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You're crazy.
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Jerry
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No I'm not. [to Michael] George, is Haagen-Dazs Danish?
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Michael
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What do you mean Danish?
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George
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[to the guy next to him] This guy stinks. [speaking of Michael]
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Jerry
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Danish. Is it from Denmark?
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Michael
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No, they make it in New Jersey. It's just a Danishy name.
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Tom
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I can't believe that. They fooled me Jerry.
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Rita
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[to Jay] Boy, talk about a show about nothing. [Jay, the integral producer, smiles stupidly.]
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George
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[stopping them from rehearsing] Uh, excuse me. Excuse me. This … this is not right. May I? [The guy looks at George with a bothered face. George then walks up to Tom and takes him away from Jerry and Michael to talk to him in private.] You see, you're going: "They fooled me Jerry!" [George shakes his head with disapproval.] You want to hit 'fooled' more: "They fooled me Jerry!". You see the difference?
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Tom
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I'm not going to say it like that.
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George
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Just a suggestion. [chuckles and walks back to the yelling guy]
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Yelling Guy
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[with the same bothered face and while he's looking at George] All right everybody, take a five.
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George
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[very casual and raising his hand in the air] Yep. That's five!
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Jerry
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George? [walks away to talk privately. George, still casual, taps on Jerry's shoulder] I don't have a lot of experience with this acting stuff. But from what I can gather, they're a little touchy about being told how to say the lines.
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George
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Why is that?
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Jerry
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I don't know, but they don't seem to like it. By the way how am I doing?
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George
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Oh, you're fine. You're fine. [looking at Tom in the back and then quieter to Jerry] So you think this guy playing Kramer took the raisins?
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Jerry
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Why would he steal a box of raisins?
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George
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Yeah, it's bizarre. [They both look around them suspiciously.]
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[Cut to the bleachers with the producers]
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Rita
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[to Jay about Russell] What's with him? [to Russell] Russell? [louder] Russell?
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Russell
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What?
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Rita
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You OK?
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Russell
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Yeah. No, uh, I was just thinking of something. I'll be back in a second. [He gets up and leaves.]
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Jerry and Sandi sitting together
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[They're both going through their copy of the script.]
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Sandi
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What's the matter?
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Jerry
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Nothing.
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Sandi
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You're acting weird. Is anything wrong?
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Jerry
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No.
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Sandi
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Are you breaking up with me?
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Jerry
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Are we going out?
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Sandi
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You're breaking up with me, aren't you? [almost crying]
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Jerry
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Do you want me to break up with you?
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Sandi
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If that's what you want.
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Jerry
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I don't even know what you're talking about.
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Sandi
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Fine. Break up with me.
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Jerry
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All right. We're broken up.
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Sandi
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[little pause] Can we still be friends? [Jerry raises his head, staring ahead and wondering what's going on]
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George and Tom's conversation, backstage
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George
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Remember when you came to audition for us?
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Tom
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Yeah.
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George
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There was a box of raisins on the coffee table. Did you, by any chance, take them with you when left?
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Tom
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What are you talking about?
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George
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Well we were all eating the raisins. And I remember you … you were eating some of the raisins. And then you left, and the raisins were gone. And I was just wondering if, you know [chuckles], maybe you took them with you.
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Tom
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Are you accusing me of stealing the raisins?
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George
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Oh, no, no.
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Tom
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[angry] Why would I steal a box of raisins!?
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George
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No you wouldn't. Nobody would. It's just that... they were missing, and... well I'm just inquiring. [chuckles nervously]
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Tom
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Let me give you a word of advice. O.K.? I want you to stay away from me. I don't want to talk to you, and I don't want to hear anymore of your stupid little notes and suggestions. I don't like you. So if you got any other problems whether it's raisins, prunes, figs, or any other dried fruit, just keep it to yourself and stay out of my way, O.K.?
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George
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Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. All right. I don't think we're going to have any problem with that. [chuckles nervously] Good talking to you Tom. Really.
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Russell, still on the set, but on the phone with Elaine
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Russell
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[nervously, almost desperately] Elaine. Elaine. What do you want? What can I do? Is it my job? Is that what it is? Elaine I can't go on like this. Will you call me? Would you call me? Well, why? All right. May I call you? Elaine? Elaine? [she hung up. An employee walks by, bumps into Russell and spills coffee accidentally on him]
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David
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Excuse me Mr. Dalrimple. I am so sorry.
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Russell
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All right. All right. What's your name?
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David
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David Richardson.
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Russell
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Get out! You're fired!
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David
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But Mr. Dalrimple…
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Russell
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Don't talk back to me. Didn't you hear what I said? Get out! You want me to call the cops? I make and break little worms like you every day. Do you know how much money I make? Do you have any idea? Do you know where I live? I can have any woman in this city that I want. Any one. Now, GET OUT! [David leaves. Everyone on the set is looking at Russell] What are you all looking at? Go back to work! BACK! NOW! [They do. Russell leaves]
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