Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
• "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
• "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
• A burp is not an answer.
• Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
• All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy (This was not written "line by line" like the others)
• Beans are neither fruit nor musical
• Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes less and less legible; the last line is a scrawl)
• Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
• Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
• Funny noises are not funny
• Garlic gum is not funny
• Goldfish don't bounce
• Hamsters cannot fly
• High explosives and school don't mix
• I am not a 32 year old woman (To put it another way, Nancy Cartwright is not a 10-year-old boy)
• I am not a dentist
• I am not a lean, mean, spitting machine
• I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
• I am not certified to remove asbestos
• I am not deliciously saucy.
• I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis, Jr.
• I did not see Elvis
• I do not have diplomatic immunity
• I do not have power of attorney over first graders
• I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
• I will finish what I sta (This appears on one line; the rest is blank)
• I will never win an Emmy (This was the first episode after 1992-93 Emmy nominations were announced, the first time the show was eligible for "Best Comedy Series", but it wasn't nominated (the show has won "Best Animated Show" Emmys in the past)
• I will not aim for the head.
• I will not barf unless I'm sick (Lisa has a blackboard punishment of sorts during the episode: she has to clap erasers)
• I will not belch the National Anthem.
• I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
• I will not bring sheep to class.
• I will not burp in class.
• I will not bury the new kid (During the episode, Marge wrote "I will try to raise a better child")
• I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
• I will not call the principal "spud head".
• I will not carve gods.
• I will not celebrate meaningless milestones (This was first used for the 100th new episode)
• I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
• I will not conduct my own fire drills.
• I will not cut corners (It actually looks like this: I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS/" " " " " "/" " " " " ")
• I will not defame New Orleans (New Orleans complained about the opening song in "Oh, Streetcar!")
• I will not dissect things unless instructed
• I will not do anything bad ever again.
• I will not do that thing with my tongue.
• I will not draw naked ladies in class.
• I will not drive the principal's car.
• I will not eat things for money.
• I will not encourage others to fly.
• I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
• I will not fake my way through life.
• I will not fake seizures.
• I will not get very far with this attitude.
• I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
• I will not grease the monkey bars.
• I will not hang donuts on my person
• I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
• I will not instigate revolution.
• I will not make flatulent noises in class
• I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
• I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
• I will not prescribe medication.
• I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
• I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
• I will not sell land in Florida.
• I will not sell miracle cures.
• I will not sell school property.
• I will not send lard through the mail
• I will not show off (This was written in an "Olde English"-style font)
• I will not skateboard in the halls.
• I will not sleep through my education.
• I will not snap bras.
• I will not spank others.
• I will not squeak chalk (Bart squeaks the chalk while writing this)
• I will not strut around like I own the place
• I will not teach others to fly.
• I will not torment the emotionally frail.
• I will not trade pants with others.
• I will not use abbrev.
• I will not waste chalk.
• I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
• I will not Xerox my butt.
• I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
• I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
• I will remember to take my medication
• I will return the seeing-eye dog.
• I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
• Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
• It's potato, not potatoe (This was used for the second airing, a reference to Dan Quayle's gaff while visiting a school)
• Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
• My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man (A reference to "The Fugitive")
• My name is not Dr. Death.
• Nerve gas is not a toy
• Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
• No one is interested in my underpants.
• No one wants to hear my armpits
• Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
• Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
• Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
• Spitwads are not free speech.
• Tar is not a plaything.
• Teacher is not a leper.
• The boys room is not a water park
• The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
• The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
• The First Amendment does not cover burping
• The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
• The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".
• The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
• There are plenty of businesses like show business.
• They are laughing at me, not with me.
• This punishment is not boring and pointless.
• Underwear should be worn on the inside.
• Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things