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Bad Translations

English can be a difficult language to learn (and even harder when people in other countries try to make signs which their English-speaking visitors can read)

The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. (In a Bucharest hotel lobby)

When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacle your passage, then tootle him with vigor. If honorable horse obstacle your path, pull over until he he pass away. (From a Japanese car-rental firm's informative brochure)

To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. (Inside an elevator in Yugoslavia)

Please leave your values at the front desk. (At a Paris hotel)

Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. (At an Austrian ski lodge)

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. (On the menu of a Swiss restaurant)

Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion. (On the menu of a Polish hotel's restaurant)

For your convenience we recommend courteous, efficient self-service. (At a Hong Kong supermarket)

Drop your trousers here for best results. (At a Taiwanese laundry)

Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation. (At a Hong Kong tailor shop)

There will be a Moscow Exhibition of the Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years. (In Soviet Weekly)

A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers. (In an East African newspaper)

Teeth extracted by the latest methodists. (Advertisement of a Hong Kong dentist)

A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played. (In a Russian book on chess)

Fur coats made for the ladies from their own skin. (In the window of a Swedish furrier)

Stop. Drive sideways. (Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan)

Specialist in women and other diseases. (On the door of a Roman doctor's office)

Cooles and heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself. (Instructions accompanying new Japanese air conditioners)

English well talking. Here speeching American. (Signs at two Majorcan shops)

Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up. (In a Paris hotel elevator)

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily. (In an Athens hotel)

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. (In a Yugoslavian hotel)

You are invited to take advantage of the women who are employed to clean the room. (In a Japanese hotel)

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday. (At a Moscow hotel across the street from a Russian Orthodox monastery)

Ladies may have a fit upstairs. (In a Hong Kong tailor shop)

It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose. (At a German campground)

Ladies, please leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. (Outside a Rome laundry)

Take one of our horse-drawn city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages. (Czech tourist agency brochure)

Special Today -- NO ICE CREAM. (At a Swiss mountain inn)

We take your bags and send them in all directions. (Slogan of a Dutch airline)

If this is your first visit to the Soviet Union, you're welcome to it. (At a Moscow hotel)

Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. (Inside a Swedish lounge)

We are pleased to announce that the manager has personally passed all the water served here. (At an Acapulco restaurant)